I had a crush on Beck in the ’90s [see current playlist]. I wanted a mature cute artsy boy to wonder what I was up to all the time. I think my first serious boyfriend’s hair resembled his hair–and him in general come to think of it. He was a tall, thin guy with shaggy dirty blonde hair. We used to think it was cool to be art/goth outcasts of high-school society. I was a vegetarian. I was really into Salvador Dali. I thought I was special.

What’s different now?
Not much. Kidding! Well, sort of. There is an element of 1994-1999 in lots of stuff I do and think; however, there are different sources of inspiration, motivation and (god willing) awareness.

You can be affected by things you know (known outcomes, risks involved, etc.) or things you don’t know (meaning of life, etc.). At some point you come to the realization there are things you have to do whether you like them or not. And there are rules. Damnit! When does this happen though? When we learn to walk? When we learn to say “no”? When we dislike something? When we own something? Don’t look at me because I have no effing clue. I’m just saying at some point we have this realization we have to do stuff to accomplish or prevent certain other outcomes from happening and it’s not always pretty. Which outcomes to accomplish and/or prevent? Guess it depends how you think.

As we acquire more knowledge we become opinionated, opportunistic, and sometimes insincere. These things are what they are. Whatever. My point is it might be a welcome change to be propelled more often not by what you do know and what you think you can make others aware of; but perhaps you can open yourself up to be projected onto, accept/learn things, and therefore become a prism not a mirror. Whoa! Far out. Maybe you think you already think like this. Then go out and do it, (wo/)man!

I’m not trying to dis the “known” either. The Known is rad and essential to life as we know it. Things just wouldn’t be the same without it. The concept of new only exists because of the concept of old and vice versa. A lot of favorable outcomes have arisen from new+old:

I used to have a job I didn’t particularly see myself having forever, and I couldn’t get out of bed enthusiastically to save my life. The alarm clock was my enemy, and I snoozed as much as humanly possible. Now, however, I usually go to bed around 2AM and have been getting out of bed at 7:30AM (after the initial waking up at 6:30 by a small puppy). I have no alarm set ever unless I have to be someplace at a specific time. Why is this? Call it fear, paranoia, adventure or whatever, but I call it “being excited about shit in general.” Stop trying to construct wave machines and learn to surf on actual waves. It’s much easier and way more fun.

I’ll stop being your life cheerleader now. I have better things to do anyway.

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Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.

September 28, 2010 7:54 am

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